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#ThisIs18

10/16/2018

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The New York Times released a series in honor of “The Day of the Girl” (coined by the UN). They asked 18 year old girls to show them what it’s like to be 18 and female in our world. The results are so compelling and diverse, and I highly recommend checking it out for yourself! They also invited women who have seen the age of 18 in the rear view mirror to share a photo of themselves at the threshold of adulthood, and share what words they would tell the girl in the photo.


This is a letter to myself yesterday as much as it is a letter to me at 18. Also, this letter will not be grammatically correct. Sorry bout it.
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You can’t keep all the rules. There is forgiveness and grace when you mess up. You’re never stuck where you are, even when it seems like you’ve been to the darkest place that you said you’d never get to. Stop trying to keep all the rules. You don’t even have a perfect record to mess up, because you’re human and that was ruined a long time ago. You are loved and lovable, even when no one asks you out. Just check John 15:9 for a reminder. You are not alone, even when you avoid eye contact with everyone and walk alone on campus. Just check Psalm 139. You are good enough. Why? Check Jeremiah 31:34. Don’t give a single f*** when some human (or devil) tries to tell you who you are. You were made by a Creator who has the sole authority to define you. Do you know what his definition of you is?  There are many entries, but one is a branch. You are a branch connected to his vine, and you must remain close to the Truth (aka the Bible, the Word of God), in order to remember who you are. Knowing yourself will allow you to seek a purpose in this life that transcends past your death and into eternity. It’s not all about you. It is 100% about Him. Don’t lose hope. But when you do, He will find you with more grace again. And again.


This is your story; this is your song. Don’t be ashamed of it.


--


Visit www.nytimes.comthisis18 for the original NY Times project.
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A Little Help From My Friends

5/19/2017

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Take 4 minutes of your day to hear this. Promise, you won't regret it.
I love that the words of a friend can bring me back to what is real, when my own thoughts are completely lost in a lie. I asked to share this poem by Daje because sometimes I just don't have all the words. I so easily forget the truth on my own. Most times, it's not that I have forgotten what is true and real; I just can't hear it over the words of other people, society, and my own feelings of self-doubt. Well what do you do when you can't hear God over your own thoughts? It's in these moments that I have found encouragement and even tough truths scattered like seeds in the people around me. Even in my stubborn and distracted state, God can refocus my understanding of who I am in his own creative way. [praise hands!]

Do you have words that you hold on to in moments of self-doubt? Please send them my way! This isn't about giving yourself a cheesy pep-talk; this is the difference between leaving room in your thoughts for lies or filling them with truth. It's kind of crucial. I would love to share your stories of success or struggle with finding your worth and identity as a woman. There is no timeline to sending these in. Just drop me a line! 

Here is one favorite truth I have pulled from this poem: 

"You can take off those shoes now. You don't need anything more than I gave you when you were born."

For whatever reason, it reminds me of Hosea 6:6--
"For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice; the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."

I don't have to do or be something more than me to get love and acceptance. I must simply love.  

Thanks @dajemorris for sharing your heart! You encourage more than you know! 

​Love,
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I've been thinking...

3/18/2017

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I've been thinking a lot about the power that we as women give men to determine our beauty. You may react to that with immediate denial, but let me explain. 
...
I sat next to a super cute, nice guy for four hours on a plane last week, and we chatted about our careers, religion, family, music, love, life... I haven't been able to shake the thoughts that arose from my conversation with him. He asked me had I ever been in a serious relationship. He thought it was a little odd that I hadn't. He figured I must have been really sheltered. He thought I was really beautiful. He was shocked that I'd never even had a boyfriend. He said I had an entire section of exciting life to live. After that conversation, I started thinking, "I must be really really weird. What's wrong with me?" 

Have you ever found yourself stuck on a simple comment about you from one person? Have you ever let one comment (or a lack of comments or compliments) define you? 

Girlfriend. Let me tell you that I have these thoughts all the time. It's like I have this strong confidence based in who God made me to be... until someone indicates that something might be wrong with me. I don't stand a chance on my own when my heart gets entangled with the world's enticing ideals of happiness and normalcy. 

I journaled and processed this experience, I talked about it with my brother and friends, and honestly have found myself really frustrated that I'm still thinking about it. Heck, I hate that I'm writing about it. But I had to remind myself that I am more than his judgment of me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my Lord and heavenly Father. And you, my dear, are more. More than your relationships or lack thereof. More than a compliment or the absence of compliments. More than a kiss or "never been kissed." More than the labels placed on you. We are more. 


Do not let a man or any person tell you what you are worth. Only God can do that.
"And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good."
​Genesis 1:31
Our beauty was never meant to be dependent on other people. That doesn't mean we shouldn't accept compliments or even desire them. But it is oh so dangerous to rely on them to find contentment. 

There's nothing wrong with being a rare breed. You're beautiful, because your Creator made you that way.  
​​
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Stay strong, friend.
​ 
​Love,
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Letter to the Single Girl in a Wave of Loneliness

9/11/2016

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Dearest,

It comes in waves. One morning, I wake up feeling indestructible, ready to conquer the world alone. And then I watch The Vow, and I'm like "Why can't I have that?" [insert face of agony and tears]. Well, probably because I'm not Rachel McAdams, cast in a movie with Channing Tatum. 

Every situation in which I find myself alone, I start thinking I'm not enough or I didn't do enough... Clearly I'm not doing enough of what she [insert name] is doing... or maybe I'm doing too much? If you're reading this train of thought thinking, "this is my life," then yay, I'm not alone. 🎉 

But what do we do with these thoughts, and much more, the feelings that follow them? One thing to do is check them. Are my thoughts of inadequacy even realistic? Well actually, they are. It's not exactly what I want to hear, but my fear of not being enough is real. I'm not enough. People can't be enough. Relationships don't work because someone can be enough for their partner. 

I want to live in the balance that embraces my inadequacy, because I know that Christ is enough for me. By his wounds, I am healed. Forever! He redeemed a life that would have been lived entirely for myself. He sacrificed himself to cover my sin with his perfection. (Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 103:4) 
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So what should I do when loneliness comes? Instead of comparing my situation to others, I want to focus on Jesus. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26) He will be enough for me, regardless of my own inability. I will fail, but the God in me will not. It's only by his grace that I can have any relationship that points away from myself. 

This isn't a solutions manual. It's just the story of a girl who has to be (constantly) reminded that nothing in the world will fill the holes in her like Jesus will. Brace yourself for the next wave. He'll be there.

​Love,

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Mom

5/8/2016

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Scrolling down my newsfeed reading all the mom stories and liking every mom post, because what a gift?!! God is so gracious to give us such a meaningful bond.
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I hope every mother knows that there was never a rule that says you have to get everything right or be self-sustaining. Even when you can't be all that you want to be, his strength shines in your weakness. I've been so blessed to watch my mother turn to her Heavenly Father for strength and direction and am learning to do the same. ​
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We celebrate the memory of some incredible moms today and thank God for every moment we have had with them. 
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To moms everywhere: Your selflessness is so strikingly beautiful. Everything you are is enough, because you belong to Him. We love you! 
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Free Joy

3/14/2016

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I'm just gonna admit it--I'm awful at blogging. Time and priorities have something to do with that, but also the idea that no one else really struggles with my issues, so who cares anyway. 

Well, I remember being in high school and thinking surely I was the only girl who didn't like the body she was in. I know that's not true now, and I probably knew it then; but I still felt alone in my struggle to accept how God had designed me. 

So I've decided I'm going to keep periodically showing up on this blog--when I have time and when I can drum up the courage to click post--just to send out a reminder to anyone doubting the beauty of God's design. You are wonderfully made and without flaw. 

_____

Every so often (ok, every other day?), I get the most convincing idea: If I had..., I could be happy. For a moment, I really believe it. But I am the way I am, and trying to change that leaves me angry and exhausted.

In that weary and broken spirit, I have learned to focus on God as the source of contentment... the real kind that says, "God is my judge." I don't have to have something else or be someone else. He already accepted me as I am, so no other standard matters. 

We are supplied with a barrage of "goals" to live up to on Instagram and Pinterest, let alone Facebook and TV. Hair goals, relationship goals, eyebrow goals... so many goals.
​
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image from Hairfinity
But happiness isn't about having  perfect hair or the ideal body or flawless skin. 

I don't want to spend a joyless second of my day trying to live up to standards set by other people. I used to have "hair idols" (don't lie, you know you have them too). But when I choose to believe that God has made me wonderfully, I become my own hair idol. Maybe that sounds weird and a little conceited. What I really mean is that I stop trying to be anyone else but me.


I like my hair big, but I also like it short. So, I cut it and it felt like freedom...
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Freedom from other people's preferences for my hair (even though I have been informed on various occasions what those are). I felt the freedom to be myself without anybody else's permission. 

There are so many days when I lose sight of how wonderful that freedom is, and I need to be reminded of who I am and whose I am. So here's a reminder to myself and you: "We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works." Ephesians 2:10
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My Head & My Heart

10/19/2015

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Do you ever imagine what life would be like if you believed the truth about yourself? Not just knew of it, but really believed the truth? 

I know Jesus loves me. I have a supportive family and encouraging friends. Psalm 139 is basically tattooed on my brain. I should be fine, right? But I'm not. Through my actions, I'm constantly asking people to answer the question, "Do I matter?", "Am I worth it?". The value I get (or don't get) from people seems calculable and more real than value in God's eyes. You can measure it by Instagram likes, compliments, invitations to hang out... 

Regardless of who I ask to answer the question, their answers eventually disappoint. Friends, parents, bosses can't answer it. Even I can't satisfy my own question. I'm way too shifty. In my eyes, my worth is a variable value. It rises or decreases, depending on whether I'm being productive or lazy, or being social or staying comfortable in my wallflowerish personality. (yes, I made up that word.)

Do I really want to live like that? Hell no. But I do, and I end up feeling like a super sucky Christian/friend/daughter/human when I let myself or other people measure my worth. 

Well maybe I'm crazy, but I don't think humans can determine human worth.  

"The winds and sea obey him." (Matthew 8:28)

He said, "Let there be light, and there was." (Genesis 1:3)

He raised men from the dead. (John 11:43-44)

He can turn evil into good. (Genesis 45:5)

He knows everyone's secrets and gives mercy and grace. (2 Samuel 12:13; 22:33) 

How can I not believe what he says about me? God's love and acceptance is a bigger deal than any rejection I've ever felt. If I would let him, he could erase every thought that I need to be enough for other people. I KNOW THIS. Do I want to believe it? 

I have to believe Him who I cannot see. If I could see him, what's to believe in? Hope is the certainty of things unseen. In his Word, he promises me that I'll never be cut off from his love. (Romans 8:38-39) He calls me his child, which means duh, I matter in his book!

My head knows that my worth, my beauty, my very breath comes from  God. I've heard it all my life. But if my heart doesn't believe it, Jesus remains an invisible and childish myth with no authority. 

I believe. God, help my unbelief!


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Artists

7/18/2015

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I remember sitting at a red light with my mom in the car one day and holding back a lump in my throat. Getting dressed had been a struggle that morning. Nope, doesn't fit. Ew, I hate the way I look in this. I don't look good in any of my clothes!  I had chosen the lesser of the two evil shirts and left the house, frustrated and fed up with my body. I finally decided to say something and the floodgates flew open. 


There I was, a freshman in college, having a middle school girl meltdown. 

I couldn't believe that I could be so immature; but my mom responded understandingly and shared her own struggles. She reminded me of a funny analogy that appealed especially to my artistic mind. Who are you to question your creator? "Will what is molded say to its molder, 'Why have you made me like this?" (Romans 9:20) 

Think about your body from an artist's perspective... There is a certain level of protection and even affection we have for the things we make with our hands and creativity. The first little test sculpture I made in ceramics class has a place on my shelf, right next to some of my favorite prints. I keep both because they are special to me! 

I love how God gives us a little taste of what it's like to be an artist. He has infinite authority over his creation. His reasons for making us in our own peculiar ways are perfect. His decision to give us a propensity for gaining weight or being stick-skinny was intentional. 

With this in perspective, how can I approach my creator's immaculate design with complaints or comparisons? I am a masterpiece. Made in his image. Anything less than praise is an insult to his creativity. 


I hope you see the divine beauty in your own quirks. You are a masterpiece. 
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Through His Eyes

7/12/2015

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I can't tell you how many times I've thought about keeping this website private or just deleting the whole thing. But I've finally decided I'm not going to do that. For the longest time, I struggled with the topic of beauty on my own... not because I didn't have awesome parents who could help me (because I do) and not because I didn't grow up with people who would tell me I was beautiful (because my grandparents did plenty of that). No, despite all this, I did not talk about beauty because I was ashamed. I was ashamed of the fact that I didn't like my body. I was ashamed of my body. 

I can't help but think of the girl or woman out there who knows this feeling. I wanted so desperately to know that there was someone else out there who understood what I was going through. I wanted to know whether I was the only one with this shame, but most of all, I wanted the truth that could break it. So, I'm starting this blog, at the risk of seeming weird or self-important or immature, to share what I've learned and am still learning every day. This is for the woman who can't stand to look in the mirror. It's for the girl who loves selfies too. I have a passion to encourage and help women see themselves rightly... Through His eyes. 

Let's try this together, shall we?


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    Hola! My name is Jalynn. I love creating things, helping people, and practicing my Spanish.

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