Dearest,
It comes in waves. One morning, I wake up feeling indestructible, ready to conquer the world alone. And then I watch The Vow, and I'm like "Why can't I have that?" [insert face of agony and tears]. Well, probably because I'm not Rachel McAdams, cast in a movie with Channing Tatum.
Every situation in which I find myself alone, I start thinking I'm not enough or I didn't do enough... Clearly I'm not doing enough of what she [insert name] is doing... or maybe I'm doing too much? If you're reading this train of thought thinking, "this is my life," then yay, I'm not alone. 🎉
But what do we do with these thoughts, and much more, the feelings that follow them? One thing to do is check them. Are my thoughts of inadequacy even realistic? Well actually, they are. It's not exactly what I want to hear, but my fear of not being enough is real. I'm not enough. People can't be enough. Relationships don't work because someone can be enough for their partner.
I want to live in the balance that embraces my inadequacy, because I know that Christ is enough for me. By his wounds, I am healed. Forever! He redeemed a life that would have been lived entirely for myself. He sacrificed himself to cover my sin with his perfection. (Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 103:4)
It comes in waves. One morning, I wake up feeling indestructible, ready to conquer the world alone. And then I watch The Vow, and I'm like "Why can't I have that?" [insert face of agony and tears]. Well, probably because I'm not Rachel McAdams, cast in a movie with Channing Tatum.
Every situation in which I find myself alone, I start thinking I'm not enough or I didn't do enough... Clearly I'm not doing enough of what she [insert name] is doing... or maybe I'm doing too much? If you're reading this train of thought thinking, "this is my life," then yay, I'm not alone. 🎉
But what do we do with these thoughts, and much more, the feelings that follow them? One thing to do is check them. Are my thoughts of inadequacy even realistic? Well actually, they are. It's not exactly what I want to hear, but my fear of not being enough is real. I'm not enough. People can't be enough. Relationships don't work because someone can be enough for their partner.
I want to live in the balance that embraces my inadequacy, because I know that Christ is enough for me. By his wounds, I am healed. Forever! He redeemed a life that would have been lived entirely for myself. He sacrificed himself to cover my sin with his perfection. (Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 103:4)
So what should I do when loneliness comes? Instead of comparing my situation to others, I want to focus on Jesus. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26) He will be enough for me, regardless of my own inability. I will fail, but the God in me will not. It's only by his grace that I can have any relationship that points away from myself.
This isn't a solutions manual. It's just the story of a girl who has to be (constantly) reminded that nothing in the world will fill the holes in her like Jesus will. Brace yourself for the next wave. He'll be there.
Love,
This isn't a solutions manual. It's just the story of a girl who has to be (constantly) reminded that nothing in the world will fill the holes in her like Jesus will. Brace yourself for the next wave. He'll be there.
Love,
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